Phases

Aug 11

I soiled the pants you bought me.

You know the ones before the wedding.

I got red wine on them while you were dancing.

You looked like a golden feather.

when you flipped your hair back.

And your dress twirled.

And you flashed to my living room.

In that red skirt you used to wear.

where you kissed me on the couch.

But it was in Carol’s eyes then.

And you wanted only just once.

I still have no say in the matter.

But I can say it again and again.

And this song.

It always gets me riled up.

And it always gets you down.

So now I’ll know.

I’ll know soon.

The big answer.

To the end of what I thought was endless.

The mystery of whether or not you like me.



It’s really that simple.





-Blake Wrobbel


Jul 19

America. My allegiance comes not only from familiarity but from your variety. Your beauty. Your endless roads. Your glimmering glass skyscrapers. Your assholes. Your lovers. Your honest men. Your sunset on the Pacific. Your snow up East. Your southern bells. Your rumbling engines. Your 4 a.m. freeway roar. Your Indians. Your Africans. Your Asians. Your Germans. Your Mexicans. Your holidays. Your capitalism. Your burgers. Your bacon. Your inventors. Your smell. The way I feel that with you I can do anything. And so you could say I’m coming back because I have to. But I’m really coming back because I want to. Because I love you.


Some would like to fall asleep and wake when everything is better. When their lives are better. When they have what they want. When everything’s perfect. But then you’d have no satisfaction from making it that way. Because it never feels as good if it’s just handed to you. And anyways, dreaming for that long could be dangerous.


Jul 18
kateoplis:

How Seawater Can Power the World | NYT

Harnessing nuclear fusion, the energy that powers the sun and the stars, has been a goal of physicists worldwide since the 1950s. It is essentially inexhaustible and it can be created using hydrogen isotopes — chemical cousins of hydrogen, like deuterium — that can readily be extracted from seawater. […] Fusion energy generates zero greenhouse gases. It offers no chance of a catastrophic accident. It can be available to all nations, relying only on the Earth’s oceans. When commercialized, it will transform the world’s energy supply.
There’s a catch. The development of fusion energy is one of the most difficult science and engineering challenges ever undertaken. Among other challenges, it requires production and confinement of a hot gas — a plasma — with a temperature around 100 million degrees Celsius. […]
But potential solutions to these daunting technical challenges are emerging. In one approach, known as magnetic fusion, hot plasma is confined by powerful magnets. A second approach uses large, intense lasers to bombard a frozen pellet of fusion fuel (deuterium and tritium nuclei) to heat the pellet and cause fusion to occur in a billionth of a second. Whereas magnetic fusion holds a hot plasma indefinitely, like a sun, the second approach resembles an internal combustion engine, with multiple mini-explosions (about five per second).
Once a poorly understood area of research, plasma physics has become highly developed. Scientists not only produce 100 million-degree plasmas routinely, but they control and manipulate such “small suns” with remarkable finesse. Since 1970 the power produced by magnetic fusion in the lab has grown from one-tenth of a watt, produced for a fraction of a second, to 16 million watts produced for one second — a billionfold increase in fusion energy.
Seven partners — the European Union, China, India, Japan, Russia, South Korea and the United States — have teamed up on an experiment to produce 500 million watts of fusion power for 500 seconds and longer by 2020, demonstrating key scientific and engineering aspects of fusion at the scale of a reactor. However, even though the United States is a contributor to this experiment, known as ITER, it has yet to commit to the full program needed to develop a domestic fusion reactor to produce electricity for the American power grid. Meanwhile other nations are moving forward to implement fusion as a key ingredient of their energy security. […] 
What has been lacking in the United States is the political and economic will. We need serious public investment to develop materials that can withstand the harsh fusion environment, sustain hot plasma indefinitely and integrate all these features in an experimental facility to produce continuous fusion power.
This won’t be cheap. A rough estimate is that it would take $30 billion and 20 years to go from the current state of research to the first working fusion reactor. But put in perspective, that sum is equal to about a week of domestic energy consumption, or about 2 percent of the annual energy expenditure of $1.5 trillion.

Photo: A rendering of a pellet hit by lasers to create nuclear fusion.

kateoplis:

How Seawater Can Power the World | NYT

Harnessing nuclear fusion, the energy that powers the sun and the stars, has been a goal of physicists worldwide since the 1950s. It is essentially inexhaustible and it can be created using hydrogen isotopes — chemical cousins of hydrogen, like deuterium — that can readily be extracted from seawater. […] Fusion energy generates zero greenhouse gases. It offers no chance of a catastrophic accident. It can be available to all nations, relying only on the Earth’s oceans. When commercialized, it will transform the world’s energy supply.

There’s a catch. The development of fusion energy is one of the most difficult science and engineering challenges ever undertaken. Among other challenges, it requires production and confinement of a hot gas — a plasma — with a temperature around 100 million degrees Celsius. […]

But potential solutions to these daunting technical challenges are emerging. In one approach, known as magnetic fusion, hot plasma is confined by powerful magnets. A second approach uses large, intense lasers to bombard a frozen pellet of fusion fuel (deuterium and tritium nuclei) to heat the pellet and cause fusion to occur in a billionth of a second. Whereas magnetic fusion holds a hot plasma indefinitely, like a sun, the second approach resembles an internal combustion engine, with multiple mini-explosions (about five per second).

Once a poorly understood area of research, plasma physics has become highly developed. Scientists not only produce 100 million-degree plasmas routinely, but they control and manipulate such “small suns” with remarkable finesse. Since 1970 the power produced by magnetic fusion in the lab has grown from one-tenth of a watt, produced for a fraction of a second, to 16 million watts produced for one second — a billionfold increase in fusion energy.

Seven partners — the European Union, China, India, Japan, Russia, South Korea and the United States — have teamed up on an experiment to produce 500 million watts of fusion power for 500 seconds and longer by 2020, demonstrating key scientific and engineering aspects of fusion at the scale of a reactor. However, even though the United States is a contributor to this experiment, known as ITER, it has yet to commit to the full program needed to develop a domestic fusion reactor to produce electricity for the American power grid. Meanwhile other nations are moving forward to implement fusion as a key ingredient of their energy security. […] 

What has been lacking in the United States is the political and economic will. We need serious public investment to develop materials that can withstand the harsh fusion environment, sustain hot plasma indefinitely and integrate all these features in an experimental facility to produce continuous fusion power.

This won’t be cheap. A rough estimate is that it would take $30 billion and 20 years to go from the current state of research to the first working fusion reactor. But put in perspective, that sum is equal to about a week of domestic energy consumption, or about 2 percent of the annual energy expenditure of $1.5 trillion.

Photo: A rendering of a pellet hit by lasers to create nuclear fusion.


Jul 17

Common Misconceptions

College is the only way.

Every nerd has something wrong with them.

Every frat guy is a douche.

Every musician is a dick.

Every black man steals.

Every white man hates black men.

Indian people smell.

Parents know what’s good for you.

Every woman cooks.

Every man provides.

Only dead-beat Dads.

Marijuana is for losers.

Alcohol is acceptable.

Only women can be sluts.

Men hugging in pictures are gay.

White is right.

It’s only cheating if you enjoy it.

Men love lesbians.

Women don’t watch porn.

Men masturbate.

Women don’t.

Only skinny is beautiful.

Make-up makes pretty.

Everything will be okay.


[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

God Made the Automobile


Jun 21

The only problem with good advice, is that there is too much of it.


May 29

To Be Read Aloud

Everything that has ever made me feel free was cathartic. 



Freezing on Natoma, crushing asphalt in rain shirtless in March swallowing rocks the dusty way up to Mulholland like a pack of Wolves. Fingers pricked and a horny dog with deep breaths in Fall right after the quick endless backstretch behind Pukes quiet to the sound of trees and the nature that we were. And then round about the metal marker of an old fence and like no other man could be you. 

Driving pacific Coast convertible the night I could have died at the wheel in the car on the run to a gas station and back but to just piss on the beach to the reflection of the moon and the sound of the running engine. And every canyon drive smelling heat and California blooming through the valley of porn and burgers and old girls and disappointment and stagnancy and home.

And teaching Algebra to Children who made me smile even with a broken leg on and off Vicodin in the air conditioning summer home there nestled in the back of a strip mall on Ventura next to a baby clothing boutique and a nail salon. And then Ms. Gadd walked in. She wanted me to go to Berklee. That’s what I said I wanted. And I realize now that she was not saying that I could make it work because she knew it would work out. She only said that because she wanted me to believe in myself more than anything, more than the truth. And she was right to think that way. Because while she stood at the door, I shuffled papers and thought that I could do it. In that moment that she made me believe I could do anything, I felt so wildly free. Just happy.

And so I flew across states I knew from satellite pictures and airplane windows to escape the fury that had torn through me in high school, that had put me up on the goddamned stage finally and sent me roaring through Boston city streets with a camera and a scooter and knowing that it could never be any other way.

And all the while I still banged at hollowed out Wood and calloused my fingers, wrote the drunken truth on the walls of an old house we slept in the night I played with Nicole, rhymed lines to music to present to myself as my greatest accomplishment and now fast forwarding to The Future when I flashback to Berlin in May and she asks me “do you think that could be you?” and I think of how wonderful that feels and how my answer was and always will be, “yes.”  

And now counting down days bursting new words better than ever in a single room to the window and wondering if old Professor or BU Central will like what I have to say and promote me to gossip and then paper and then pictures and articles and applause and send me to San Francisco where I can chase a love that I assume exists. 

And this here. These very words. Exactly what I mean.


Jan 29

My suit is black.

It’s nothing special.

It was assembled from lucky thrift store finds.

But I look good in it.

Your dress is black.

It’s long and it shines sometimes

but not with sequins, 

just the way the fabric moves around you.

We’re dancing, but because our heads don’t move 

it looks like we’re almost still sometimes,

and I can get a clear look of your eyes.

You tell me you’re worried they’re looking.

I tell you it’s okay, no one’s looking,

but I can tell you’re seriously worried,

so I dip you, and you forget.

I wake up next to you.

We’re not sweaty,

the room is cool. 

It smells like jasmine and Tide and fresh cut campground wood.

I smell your neck. 

It’s the same smell. 

I get up and turn on the coffee maker.

It sputters, so I hit it and walk back into the room.

You’re awake rubbing your forehead when you look at me

I stumble over the rug then.

I laugh and look at you.

You’re mouth is open and smiling and your eyes are shut and I can see your teeth

But you make no sound.

You make no sound when you get out of bed,

And you make no sound when you pee with the door open.

You make no sound when you brush your teeth

and you make no sound when you wash your cereal bowl.

The coffee pours silently,

No click of the cup lid to assure its on,

And when you–as you do every morning–stand at the door, hold up your keys, and jingle them in front of me, smiling because for some reason you love to do that, I hear nothing.

But when you close the door.

When you are no longer in sight.

When I no longer smell jasmine and Tide and fresh cut campground wood,

I hear every click and knock around this house,

every screech from the street,

every leak of air from the radiator,

every bell and horn from the trolley that you take to work.

Every step of high heels and work shoes and voices and cab whistles

and dogs excited for roaring trash trucks,

the closing of mailboxes,

and the thump of packages on the doorstep,

the creak of the swing in the backyard,

the rush of cold wind into the foyer

and the ring of the toaster oven because my bagel is done.

So I always walk down the hall, open the front door, stand in the doorframe and look at the snow.

But there are never any footprints.

Just a vast, blank, white nothing. 

-Blake Wrobbel 2011


Sep 1

[Her Name]

Like the sound of footsteps and voices and then the sudden silence,

You are a great impact on me.

But those voices, like you, are just out of reach.

And to tell me to give up would not convince me there is no hope.

Because to hope like this everyday is romantic and healthy and beautiful,

And because you are this romance and health and beauty,

it seems okay to me.

Okay to know what those glances are,

Where they come from,

and where they are going.

And if for good reasons these hopes end up as one hope.

That would make things simpler you know.

So my heart does not ache from the pain of losing hope that I’ll never be as close to you as he is,

but rather from the moments when we make eye contact,

when you stick your tongue out at me,

when you suggest we get lunch,

when I come in from the rain,

and you’re right there.




Blake Wrobbel

September 1, 2010


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